Well, I am sure that everyone has thoughts and feelings about the recent tragedy in Colorado. I am sure everyone has been saddened and has strong feelings about it. I do as well and I just need a place to express them. So, my blog is the place.
I almost don't have the words to express my horror. I was up early feeding Harlow when I heard the news that there was a shooting in a movie theater and 12 people had died with dozens more injured. Tears instantly came. I felt as if I was in there. I felt as if someone I loved was in there. I felt like I knew those people. And unfortunately, I mostly felt anger and fear. I cannot really get over those 2 things yet. The evil in this world is quickly becoming more than I feel I can handle. Don't get me wrong, I realize that I live a blessed life and there is a lot of good and joy in the world. But, the evil in the world seems to be showing its ugly head a lot more than I can bare.
There is always terrible things on the news, and this was just the last straw. I now feel this terrible feeling in myself that something bad is going to happen and I'm just walking around waiting for it, trying to avoid it. I feel like I need to always be looking over my shoulder. I hate this. That is so not me. I am an optimist. The innocent people who were hurt in this awful incident were normal people like me. They were going to a MOVIE for heavens sake. I can't get it out of my head. What normal thing will I be doing when something unthinkable happens?
Luckily, deep down in my heart I do know that people are good. I know that there is so much good in the world and that I can cling to those things. I know that I can fight these feelings by trying to be a force for good in the world. But for now, it's all very fresh and for some reason, it has upset me so much.
Lastly, my knowledge that we have a Heavenly Father with a plan is the one thing that gives me peace. He does not make mistakes. I know that Jesus Christ has felt every single pain of those people who have suffered and every sorrow of those mourning.
Just typing all of this out helps. I have had a million thoughts flying around in my head. "Why do I care so much" being the main one. It feels good to sort it all out for a minute. But as I type this out I realize that I need to learn a lesson from this. Life cannot be taken for granted. We must be a positive influence on the world while we can.
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- Jenni.Woodmansee
- We met at BYU-Idaho in February of 2006. It only took one short semester for us to realize we were the best of friends and we fell in love. After a wonderful year together, Michael left to serve his mission in Taiwan. I waited dated until he returned to me in April 2009. Michael proposed on May 2nd and we spend the best day of our lives together when we were married for time and all eternity on August 15th, 2009 in the Portland Oregon Temple. We are so blessed and so happy together!
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7 comments:
I am so glad that I came across this post. I have been feeling the same way lately. It's so irrational, but hard to ignore. I think Satan is definitely targeting the optimistic people of the world. If they lose hope, that is a major victory. You're not the only one fighting this fear!
I think things like this hit me harder now because I have children. I worry most about how a world getting more evil is going to effect them. It scares me because then I realize that I need to make sure that I am doing my best at teaching them the things they need to know. I am worried that I will fall short. I just know that if I try my best, Heavenly Father will make up the rest.
I'm a sensitive one too. It just makes my stomach nauseous. One thing to keep in mind as far as it creating fear in your life- this was one theater and a FREAK situation. Yes, it will likely happen again- now that it's been done, but when you realize how many theaters are in your town, in your county, state, country- that is THOUSANDS of locations and this is one place, one time, one lunatic. When you think about that, you realize how safe you really are. The news is so in your face, it feels like it's all around you and really common- but it's because it ISN'T common- that's why it's on the news. Because it is so FREAKISHLY HORRIBLE and UNUSUAL, that's why it's on the news. Because it's never happened before and will hardly happen again. Try to remember that, and you'll realize you really are safe. It took me awhile to realize this, and I have to keep reminding myself. There are millions of people in our country, and this is ONE person that decided to do this. It is sad and horrible, but we'll all be fine and safe. I hope you feel better soon! BTW- those new pics are ADORABLE!!!
I enjoyed reading your thoughts. Unfortunately, we do live in a cruel world and yes, there IS some good there, but Satan is getting a stronger grasp on the world.
It's pathetic that security will most likely be tightened at movie theaters from now on, but I guess I'll be grateful for the added protection.
All that's come to my mind whenever a tragedy such as this strikes is the part in the Book of Mormon where Amulek wants to stop the women and children from being burned in the fire. Here is the response from Alma: "But Alma said unto him: The Spirit constraineth me that I must not stretch forth mine hand; for behold the Lord receiveth them up unto himself, in aglory; and he doth suffer that they may do this thing, or that the people may do this thing unto them, according to the hardness of their hearts, that the bjudgments which he shall exercise upon them in his wrath may be just; and the cblood of the dinnocent shall stand as a witness against them, yea, and cry mightily against them at the last day."
We know why Heavenly Father allows bad things to happen to good people.
Anyway, I liked reading Alma 14 again, it brought some peace to my mind and heart.
Love you, girl!
True that Jen. I agree with it all, and, at least for me, becoming a mother makes every horror in this life seem sooo much worse, and I think, how am I going to raise my babies in this hellish place?! But then I remember like you did what a blessed life I lead, and how many wonderful and amazing things outweigh the tragedy and horror and then I feel more at peace...we surely are blessed, and people sometimes do awful things...and then I think of the justice that will be served to those wack jobs...makes me feel better :) xoxo
Oh Girl I am right there with you. I have been OBSESSIVE about this. Reading tons of articles and everything. It's horrifying and I couldn't stop thinking, "That is a movie Clay and I would see at midnight...opening night." LIke....the only reason we didn't is because we are really poor right now! But seriously that is one out of maybe 4 movies we would ever consider seeing at midnight. So I just couldn't help but think- man that could be us. It's horrible that such normal regular things are becoming unsafe. But what megan said is true. I need to remember that! I'm just sad. But one thing that Clay and I take comfort in, which is maybe sick...but...it's basically that the guy didn't kill himself (like they normally do) and finally we can get closure and punish the sick minded, selfish person that did this. Love you so much!
Oh Jenni, I know how you feel. I am really sensitive and the holy ghost literally warns me about certain movies, books, and even days not to watch the news. I even went through a phase where I told Mike, "I can't watch the news, so if something world changing happens, let me know so I'm not ignorant! Otherwise I don't want to know". We need to remember general conference at times like these. The prophet hasn't warned us to build a bomb shelter and hide from the world. He hasn't even alluded to that. The prophet still talks about how blessed we are to live in today's world, so we have to continue to live righteously in an wicked world and try to focus on the good. It is hard knowing bad things happen to good people, and unfortunately that is part of this earth life. There is a plan and purpose, and it's ok that we don't quite understand all of it right now. I have to literally not let myself think about certain things. I do feel like the world is getting increasingly wicked and I think that's why we have to keep our homes so spiritually clean, which is so hard to do with TV, movies and music! I don't know if any of this made sense, or was helpful, but - know you're not alone, you aren't crazy, and the scriptures do talk about the "tender hearts of women" - we are sensitive for a reason. We were meant to be that way. But it's also ok to not think about this shooting if you don't want to think about it anymore, it doesn't make you a heartless person, some things are just too hard to think about. I love you. And I'm so sorry this has affected you so much.
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